The Second Gayest Provence in the Country

The second gayest Provence in Canada is Saskatchewan. I know because it is my home. This summer I went to a bar called the “Pump”. At the time there was some big party or concert or something called “Craven”, I think. What that meant was this bar was full of people dressed as cowboys. So I assume that this bar (which has a fairly suspicious name too) was the towns gay bar that I heard about. I also assume that this province is the host of the largest gay party in the country. I am very sure of it because I can’t really think of anything gayer than wearing a cowboy hat.

Saskatchewan is more progressive than you might think. After all we originated healthcare and instituted gay marriage before it became federal law. I wasn’t surprised when we legalized gay marriage, because I grew up in a small town. Everyone wore cowboy hats there.

The gayest province, by the way, is Alberta. I think you are issued a cowboy hat whenever you cross the border.

Anyway, I tolerate gays. And yes, I mean tolerate, just as I tolerate my friends, family, children, puppy dogs, barefoot walks on the beach and life in general. I don’t see what the big deal is anyway, people can do what ever they want as long as it does not involve extra work on my part.

However, all of the flamboyancy of people wearing cowboy costumes all the time can get a little annoying. I don’t like flamboyancy at all. I really needed to go to a far more masculine, manly place. Quite honestly, somewhere less gay. So that’s why I joined the navy.

I'm sure most people were relitivly optamistic and happy kids. I know I was, dispite the bullshit I had to suffer from my classmates up till the 7th grade. Luckily I had a sence of Fuck You all, and you're BS. What I am saying is, it did not bother me. I had my videos and crappy comics that I drew to entertain me. I also had a sence that the best part of life was just around the corner anyway. Eventualy I would go to University and join the navy. I did both of those. Anyway, for the first couple of years I was happier than a pig in shit (Why do they like shit anyway? It's one of those sayings I never understood).

In this little drawing, it seems it will be a single moment of time will crush poor little Billy's spirits and turn him unhappy and bitter. It took three or four moments for me. Infact I can give you a couple of dates: 26 June 2006, 1 July 2006, 4 September 2006. Three dates full of failure, death and dissapointment.

However, I once again belive the best part of my life is just around the corner. The Bane of my existance since June of '06 is almost corrected. After that is taken care of, Life can begin anew. I also have solice in being able to create, being a film student helps with that. So all in all... what was my point of alll this? I can't remember.

Oh, yeah. Violence towards children is funny.

The Boss and Boss's Boss

Such is Life.

My Fight With Cancer

So I was sitting at the local bar, all alone. I was waiting for that faitful phone call that could irrevocable change your life. It’s obvious that the entire week was the most tense of my entire life. It’s terrible to say, but the bar’s alcohol helped to calm my jangled nerves. I was on my fourth pint since I arrived when out of no where it came. When I least expected it, which is how such things come to you in life.

“Crash”, went the door. He swaggered in like he owned that joint. He scanned the room. Then he announced, “I’m looking for Ron!”

The bar was silent since he came in and after he called out people started to clear the area. After a few moments I was the only one left. That is, except for Bill, the local drunk, passed out at his seat in the corner. The man locked eyes with me. He came over and stood beside me, dwarfing me with his size. I got up slowly, but with great defiance and beer in hand.

“Cancer!” I said. “You shot my paw, and kicked my dog.”

“That’s right, now I’ve come for you.” he pushed me, and I stumbled back. He was strong.

He put up his fists. “You should defend your self.” he said. I did. I threw my glass and drenched him. He grit his teeth.

“You made me wet.”

“You made me spill my beer.”

It was on.

Just before the first swing came there was a clicking and a double barrel in our faces.

“I don’t want any of this in my establishment.” The bar tender said. “Take it out side.”

Cancer backed away slowly to the exit, never taking his eyes off of me. And then my phone rang. It was the call I was waiting for.

My cat had kittens.

“Kittens!” Cancer said with great delight. “I love kittens!”

“Really, then why don’t you come and play with them?”

“Yay!”

“I like kittens” said the bar tender, in a tone of voice that hopes for an invitation.

“Then come along!”

Bill the local drunk then woke up. He knew what we were talking about. He frowned and gave us a very puppy dog expression.

“Aw, Bill. You know your invited too.”

And that afternoon Bill the local drunk, the bartender, Cancer and I had a delightful time playing with Mitten's darling little kitties.

The End

Billy, a kid. It's a comic.

Guess what, I am a published cartoonist. Why can I say that? Am I a compulsive liar? No. In fact I am quite the opposite and you are gaining weight.

As it turns out, if you send your comic to your University paper, they will be so happy to have the content that they will publish your cartoon.

This comic was about a boy thinking he was invited to a party. He wasn’t. A lesson for us all.

Mall Crowds and Solutions to Them

There are certain times of the week where the mall is more busy. It can get fairly crowded in there and maneuvering becomes more difficult. However, now that we are less than a month away from Christmas the crowds are becoming insane. Being from a small town I am not used to such large crowds. A Wall-Mart on a usual Saturday is still quite busy for me.

It seems that when you want to walk at a normal pace in the mall, there are many other people in your way who are slow because they are old, in a group, or just duchebags who believe they have the right of way because they have a cart.

I’m not just writing this text to complain. I am going to offer viable solutions to this crowding problem. All suggestions listed here should be followed if you wish to avoid having me punch the next jerk in the head who gets into my path.

The most effective way to thin crowds is through the use of discrimination. If you are old, you should not be allowed in. If you are a group of giggling school girls, you should not be allowed in. If you have children, black dyed hair, or are fat, or small, or tall, or Asian, you should not be allowed in.

This should save room for us single, properly sized people to get in and out of the store in a timely manner.

Also, the next couple who blocks my way because of their hand holding, is getting a brick to the back of the head.

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Stopping The Seal Hunt

Now I'm sure there is a lot out there right now about the seal hunt in Newfoundland, however I do have something I need to say about it. Regardless if anyone reads it or not.

The seal hunt is wrong pure and simple. Now I know that you see celebrities getting pictures with cute baby seals (like Paul McCartney). However obviously the Newfoundlanders only hunt the adults. They also shoot them, not club them to death. But that’s not the point. It is immoral to allow the Newfoundlanders to hunt seals because Newffies are terrible people.

I’ll go on the record saying, “I hate Newfoundlanders.” They deserve everything they get. Having an entire generation of young men killed in one day during WWI, having Quebec take money away from them, so on and so forth. It’s obviouse that God also hates the Newfoundlanders.

Allowing those people hunt an un-endangered species to feed and cloth there families is unfathomable to me. So let’s stop that seal hunt people! Those Newffies had a free ride for long enough!

Don't forget, Paul McCartney hates Newffies just as much as God does!
Solidarity People!