Once there was a farmer who owned a dog with a peculiar problem; when ever the dog barked he would quack instead. During the night a thief came to steal some wheat. As he crept towards the wheat storage area the dog noticed the thief and sprung into action. When the dog went to bark at the thief, a quack, of course, came out instead. The thief laughed at the dog and the dog’s self-esteem was shattered so he slicked away. When morning came the farmer discovered that his wheat was gone. He said to the dog “Oh, what a poor work performance you have turned out! Your quacking instead of barking is getting in the way of your ability to do your job in a satisfactory manner.” So the farmer gave the dog a bone as a severance package and told him to go forth and seek his fortune.
On his way to town the dog saw a duck on the road looking very unhappy. “Why do you seem so sad?” asked the dog. “Oh, woe is me!” said the duck “I cannot find a wife for when I try to woo with beautiful quacking, I bark instead.” Upon hearing this the dog became very happy to find someone with a similar affliction. He told the duck about how he quacked instead of barked. The duck was also happy to find someone to share his problem with. So the dog shared his bone with the duck who could nibble on the left over bits of meat.
The duck, who was more clever than he looked, struck upon an idea. “Dog,” said duck “since you quack when you need to bark, and I bark when I need to quack, we could help each other. When I go to woo at the lake you could hide behind a bush and quack when I pretend to quack.” The dog thought it was a good idea.
So, they both went down to the lake. The dog hid behind a bush on the shore and the duck swam on the lake, being careful not to swim too far from the dog. Then the duck saw the most beautiful lady duck he had ever seen. He prepared to pretend to quack as the lady duck swam by. When he opened his beak a great SNEEZE came out! The flowers on the bush where the dog was hiding made him sneeze when he smelt them. The sneeze had startled the lady duck and she flew away. The dog thought it best to hide behind the apple cart left on the beach. Then the duck saw the second most beautiful lady duck he had ever seen. He again prepared to pretend to quack as the lady duck swam by. When he opened his beak a grat BELCH came out! The dog had eaten an apple from the apple cart, and it had made him burp. The lady duck was so insulted, she flew away. The dog thought it best to hide behind a large rock. Then the duck saw the third most beautiful lady duck he had ever seen. He again prepared to pretend to quack as the lady duck swam by. When he opened his beak the third most beautiful quacking the lady duck ever heard came out. The lady duck immediately fell in love with the duck and agreed to marry him.
“Now,” said the duck “you have helped me, it is only fair that I help you.” The dog, who was only slightly less stupid than he looked, had an idea. “Duck,” said dog “we shall return to my former masters farm and in the night I shall guard it. You shall hide in a haystack and when the thief comes you shall bark when I pretend to bark.”
That night the duck hid in the haystack and the dog was sure to keep close to the duck. Then the dog saw the thief. The dog prepared to pretend to bark as the thief crept by. When he opened his snout a great SNORE came out. The duck had fallen asleep in the haystack. The thief gave a look of confusion and went along steeling anyway. The duck thought it best to hide behind the beer barrels. The next night the thief appeared again. The dog prepared to pretend to bark as the thief crept by. When he opened his snout a great STRING OF OBSCENITIES came out. The duck had drank the beer in the beer barrels and had started an argument with the moon. The thief looked like he was about to punch the dog, so the dog ran away. The duck thought it best to hide behind a tree. The next night the thief appeared again. The dog prepared to pretend to bark as the thief crept by. When he opened his snout the LOUDEST most HORRIFYING barking came out, and scared thief ran away, never to be seen again. The farmer came out to see what the noise was and saw that the dog had scared away the thief. The farmer was so grateful that he gave the dog his old position back as the head of security with an extra 5.2% of bone plus benefits.
After that the dog and the duck came to depend on one another, forging a bond of friendship that lasted to their dying days. Although their dependancy on each other made the duck’s honeymoon a bit awkward.
THE END
